What a dark night it is… I just ended a >5 years long relationship. Damn it’s so hard…
I keep thinking would it go better if I also received my US visa? Would it go better if I was with her and wasn’t forced to continue this relationship long distance? Who should I blame? Should I blame myself because of losing control of my life under pressure? Should I blame US politicians because of not giving me a visa? Should I blame Iranian politicians because being so stupid and stubborn? Should I blame my girlfriend? No I don’t blame her. 🙁
What could I do? I was so motivated to come to Germany and try to get a PhD position in USA after my master’s studies. But life’s hard. I gave up under the pressure. I was dealing with some basic requirements of my life that couldn’t give enough attention to her. I was (and I am) Lost, with a capital L. :))
Anyway, it happened. I’m going to move on. But what should I do in the future? I was sure that I’m going to pursue a PhD in USA after my graduation just because it was the fastest route to her. What about now? Now, there’s no point for me to go to the USA just because of her. Do I still want to go there? Do I still want to pursue a PhD degree in USA? Is there any point for me to go to USA? Previously, if somebody asked me, I would say yeeeah I’m going to USA because a lot of skilled computer engineers are working in there and I have to go there to work with them. But of course, I knew that’s not the whole truth and the most important point for me was my girlfriend. :))
Also, when I was looking for a job in here, I only considered research job positions and didn’t give a shit about industrial positions. What am I supposed to do now? Should I still ignore industrial job positions or do I need to consider them?
I don’t know. I definitely need some time to find myself. But all in all, it feels at the same time awful, horrible, and exciting. Just stay tuned for the next episodes of my life.
You have my deepest condolences. 😔 I hope in the end you get to do what is truly the best for you. I also hope that you can withstand these hard times and sad days.