I have a skill in communicating with Iranian people. I can give them the feeling of being actively listened to. I can earn their trust within the first few interactions. I can easily make them talk to me about their deepest fears and discomforts. It was a common pattern that whenever my friends were sad, they came to me and asked if I have time for a talk. Sometimes they even cried in front of me without any fear.
But I don’t have that skill while communicating with other people. That’s bothering me! It’s like being Joey and asking someone “How are you doin” and receive a cold “Good. So what?” as the answer. I know I haven’t lost that skill because I’m still able to do that while talking to Iranian people in here. But it’s not possible when I’m talking to people with other nationalities. It’s fucking bothering me!
However, my problem isn’t that I can’t do it. The more important problem is that I can’t even find the reasons behind it. Let me brainstorm about the origins of the problem. Maybe this time I can find its reasons.
- At the first place, I don’t even talk to many internationals. Statistically, this reduces the chance of making a friend that can trust me with his/her insecurities.
- I don’t feel confident while talking to internationals
- My behavior changes so that they don’t feel comfortable and think I’m not willing to talk to them.
- I avoid asking deep questions from them.
- I don’t talk about my own insecurities and problems, making it harder for them to feel secure near me.
- Cultural differences?
- Are people from some specific cultures more reluctant to talk about their fears and deep thoughts?
- How do people from different cultures make friends and trust them? Should I approach them differently?
I’m gonna stop this brainstorm right now. It’s already obvious that as we go toward the end of the list, the items get less actionable. I think the first two parts are more important. No need to think more. I’ll try to be more active at Heimbar from the next time on. Let’s see how it will go.
Yes oh yes. Item 3 is the most probable one. Many people of other nationalities don’t even like small talk. Americans are a big exception here. But generally speaking, it takes a really long time for Europeans to open up to other people.
Honestly, I think the first two reasons are the most important ones in my case. XD