This week, I have been participating in at least one virtual Codeforces contest on each day. It’s totally addictive. After four rounds, it was too hard for me to resist agains starting the fifth round and study for my upcoming exam. By the way, it felt good that each time I ranked better than the previous time. At first, I ranked ~400, then ~215, then ~195, then ~115. Now, I’ll be really disappointed if my rank doesn’t go below 100 in the next round. XD
Also, I’ve been forcing myself to go to bed at 2300. I don’t know why but even though I go to bed so early, it’s still hard for me to wake up soon. I usually stay in bed until 1000. Weird, isn’t it?
I wish I could also incorporate going to gym in my routine, but I couldn’t. Maybe next week I’ll try to do that as well.
My meal prep also didn’t go as I’d expected. I prepared my meals for the last week. But I got sick and didn’t have any appetite at all. So, I just didn’t eat any of them during that week and they remained in the freezer. So, I decided to eat them during this week, but still something is keeping me from eating freezed food. I don’t know what! Maybe it’s the effort that’s required to unfreeze the food and prepare it for eating. But it shouldn’t be a big deal. Why am I so reluctant?
I don’t know. Generally, I feel I’m coward. The simplest tasks look so big to me. While I was approaching most of the items in my bucket list, I always kept asking myself “Why hadn’t I did this work earlier? It was just enough to accept that I have to do it and simply do it.”
I still don’t know why I’m like this. Have I always been like this or is it just something new? Part of me thinks that doing new things shouldn’t be much of a big deal to me and do it constantly and continuously, unlike my current situation that I need to plan and gather a lot of energy to unlock a new experience. At the same time, part of me thinks that the current approach is working and I have to be grateful that I’ve found an approach that suits me. I don’t know. I’ll think about it later.
Side story: I spend (or it’s better to say “used to spend”) a lot of time learning German language. But I kept avoiding using it in my routine life. Recently, one of my German friends argued with me about this situation. Her argument was that of course I’m not perfect at speaking German, and I don’t need to be perfect from the beginning, and native people also know that I’m not perfect, and they don’t expect me to talk perfectly, so there’s nothing to be afraid of and I just have to start trying to talk to people in German. Well, I have to say although her argument was valid, I still needed to hear it. I’ve started speaking German, I suck at it but still it’s fun. :))
But why did I need someone to tell that to me? What the fuck is wrong with me? For every task, why don’t I just do it? I really can’t understand myself. Tomorrow, I’ll have a discussion with ChatGPT about it. Now, I’ll just sleep. Good night!