Ah I hate this apprenticeship stage. Basically, you have no status in any group. You’re just a noob. You know nothing. People will show off their -probably shallow- knowledge in front of you, and you have nothing to add. You can’t add something to implicitly say “Hey yo look, fuck you. I’m cooler than you.”
People will treat you like you are worthless. You are in fact worthless in this field.
I don’t like it, but I’ll keep going.
Addendum: Today was a bad day. For some reason, my annoying anxiety was back. I don’t know if it was because I had a bad sleep last night or if it was because I again drank a lot of coffee or if it was because I’m sick. It’s really annoying. It’s such an undescribable pain. I was also too irritable today because of it. The beginning part of this post was also about it. I hope I sleep well tonight and I get better tomorrow.