I always considered myself a social person. But now during a conversation in a Telegram group, I’m encountering a lot of people that used to be my friends and had never seen them for a long time, even more that two years. Interestingly, I suddenly miss them. I’m sad that I didn’t see and talk to them for this long time.
It’s not limited to my social relations. Now that I’m far from my previous life in Iran, I’m reviewing a lot of its aspects unconciously. I look at a lot of my actions and think to myself “Why exactly did I behave like that?”. It’s like waking up after seeing a dream. You’re not in that dream again and look at that dream from the outside. Don’t misunderstand me. Its comparison with a dream doesn’t mean that “Oh I was slept. Now I’m awake. It was bad in Iran. It feels better in here. The reality is here”. By the comparison, I only mean that I can look over those times. I wasn’t able to do that when I was living that life, and perhaps I still can’t do that during my current life in Germany.
I think if someone explained this phenomenon to me before leaving my home country, I couldn’t easily understand it. It would be like the situations when sick people tell you that your health is your most precious property. You can agree with them, but can’t really understand it until you’re healthy.
Regardless of this homesickness, I’m having a lot of strong and mixed feelings. I really need to write about them so I can review them later and know myself better. And more importantly, writing is an outlet for these strong feelings. Even talking to my friends can’t help me to handle these feelings as writing about them does.