Down

Today sucked. I feel horrible at the moment. In this post I’m going to think out loud why the hell it was like this.

Let’s start from the previous days! I already felt sick and had gone to the gym both on Tuesday and Wednesday as well. It was after a long time of having no exercise. Also, in the middle of the night, there was a storm and I woke up several times because of the noise. It means even though I needed to sleep more than usual because of the sickness and the workout, I had a messed up sleep.

I woke up at 8 and went to the university. I wanted to study for my exam tomorrow, but I felt so tired and depressed, and also started craving nicotine. I drank all of the coffee I brought to the university, but even that had no effect. I gave in and bought a pack of cigarettes. After smoking the cigarette, I had no more cravings, but I got even more depressed because I didn’t want to smoke at the university.

I was still tired. So, I bought another coffee from the coffee shop. Drinking that coffee helped with the tiredness, and I started to study for the OS exam, ate lunch, studied again, and smoked more. Each cigarette I smoked made me more and more depressed. After I felt I had studied enough, I started a Codeforces virtual contest. I solved problem A pretty quickly. Then, I went for problem B, but didn’t solve it. It had two versions: B1 and B2. B1 was relatively easy to solve but I didn’t write the code for it because I thought I’d eventually solve B2 and could submit their solutions together. But with only 15 minutes left in the contest, I realized “OK, maybe B2 is not doable” and submitted my solution for B1. It worked. But a lot of people had solved B2 and I also expected myself to solve it. I mean, I had a solution for it in theory, but I wasn’t able to fix its details and write code for it. Anyway, I got even more depressed because of that. After the contest, I spent some time and finally fixed its details to a point where I was able to write its code, but it had gotten late and I had to return home.

Before arriving home, I thought ok I’ll go there, eat something, and directly go to bed. But after such a tiresome day, I felt even more depressed and tired. So, I didn’t have enough energy to prepare a meal. And now, here I am. Depressed, tired, HUNGRY, sitting by my desk and wondering how things ended up this way.

Now that I described it, it looks pretty obvious why it went like this. It was all like a series of dominoes. Just one thing led to another. What was the first domino? I believe it was the problem with my sleep. Maybe I have to sleep more than 8 hours, because my body needs to recover from both the sickness and the workout. Also, I believe I need to take some supplements. I’m 99% sure I’m not receiving enough nutrients in my diet, and that’s important.