Good news: I received my German visa ~10 days ago, and I’m going there about a month later. It’s exciting, but I’m not excited.
Bad news: I have a lot to do before leaving Iran, and I’m stressed out.
Anyway, let’s start to deal with my main concern. It’s almost unrelated to the previous points. As I leave Iran, I have to quit my job at Sotoon. But there are still a lot to do: a lot of challenges I have not solved yet. An interesting characteristic of me is that I can’t let go of the challenges I encounter in my life. I still remember some combinatorics problems I had failed to solve during my high school (6-8 years ago).
A few days ago, the company released the new ladder to measure its employees’ performance. I had just discovered lack of some skills in myself, and were passionate to deal with them and achieve those skills. They were some soft skills that I don’t believe I will encounter in academia.
At least I hope I will deal with enough interpersonal challenges to learn something in the new environment. There are some new people with extremely diverse backgrounds, and it’s challenging to make friends with them, eh?
Also, I feel the assessment of company from my skills is unfair. I am angry about it. Angry as I find it hard to maintain my friendship with the people that were in the committee. Currently, the thing that consumes most of my energy is that I’m trying to avoid raging and quitting this company/country with a bad memory of me in mind of people.
(It’s not just about the story at work. One of my friends recently started to complain that I don’t care about him, and I’m so selfish. I didn’t agree with him. I wanted to shout at him that you are wrong, I have already sacrificed a lot of things to maintain our friendship and just because I haven’t done a few things for you is not enough reason for you to complain about me being selfish. But I didn’t. And I won’t. I know I won’t see him in near future, and I don’t want his last memory from me to be something like this.)
I think I need to turn off my ego, enter the ring and not defend myself, just standing there and trying not to fall on the ground while getting punched in the face one after another. Just accept what they tell me and try to improve myself, without fighting back. I don’t know, this might be the true approach, this might be a wrong approach. Who cares?
Anyway, let’s skip this subject and stick to our works. My mind is clear enough now.