I couldn’t stop smoking. On the first day, which was yesterday, I reduced it to 4 or 5. Today, I’ve smoked 5 by now.
Even though I haven’t stopped it completely, I’m already under a huge mental pressure. I overthink about the slightest acts and behaviors. I interpret the slightest things in ways that bother me the most. It’s a pain to live this life, but when I look at it from outside, it’s more of a comedy series. I love it. =))
It’s worth to mention that this is a very useful tool to stop playing your role in your life just for a moment and look at it from outside, like it’s life of someone else. When you describe the actions and feelings of yourself like they’re just a random person’s actions, you can understand yourself better. Also, it makes you feel how small and worthless are your concerns, even the biggest of them.
But even though I’m under this amount of pressure, I still like my life and can’t understand what happens to some people that makes them hate their lives. (and even want to quit it) I like the way it always sets some challenges on your path and you have to constantly struggle with them. I like the way how every single one of your beliefs needs to get broken apart in order to be replaced by newer ones. That feels rough and at the same time, satisfying.