I don’t know the actual reason behind it, but I feel my anxiety and insecurity have been getting better recently. It’s like I’m starting to relate to people more than before. I can have the same playful tone I always had before, even with strangers.
When making an accidental eye-contact to another random person, I can give them a small smile instead of just looking away. The fact that most of the times, even total strangers smile back as a response, always surprises me.
I think I had some improvement in my English skills. Now, it’s a little easier to express myself in English. It’s not perfect yet, but at least I can say dad jokes in English now. I’m really proud of that. I never could imagine to do that.
One of the best things is that instead of looking more inside myself, I’m paying more attention to the people around me. This has two results. The first thing is that if something goes wrong, instead of blaming myself, I’ll also blame the other people. :)) The second thing is that I can also feel the people’s feeling, specially if they have similar feelings as my old insecure version. For example, when discussing my project with my teammates, I saw a guy at the room looking at us with curiosity. I could feel that he was interested in the discussion but didn’t say anything. It was really satisfying that I noticed this fact and saw how happy he got when I playfully told him something to involve him in the discussion.
But I wish my German was better. It’s still not enough. I hoped I could speak well after one year of studying. It’s certainly a barrier. Of course, not the only barrier, but one of the biggest barriers that prevents my playful and extremely social personality.